A 2.2% Chance

I am rooting for the Jazz to beat the odds at the Draft Lottery tonight and land the top overall pick with the first round pick they got from the Knicks. However, I’ve thought up another scenario that’s just about as likely as those 2.2% odds.


Scene:  2010 NBA Draft

Madison Square Garden, 
New York City, NY

The TNT Basketball team is broadcasting draft coverage from a stage in the arena.

Ernie Johnson: …And we’re back from the break and awaiting the pick from the Utah Jazz, who landed the 8th overall selection in this year’s draft. Kenny, what do you think of the draft so far?

Kenny Smith: Pretty straight forward so far. Haven’t seen any big surprises.

(David Stern walks up to the podium)

Ernie: Well, let’s see if Utah has any tricks up its sleeve.

Stern: With the 8th pick in the 2010 NBA Draft, The Utah Jazz select… LeBron James.

(The crowd erupts)

Stern: The Jazz have taken LeBron James from the New York Knicks using a little known, rarely used trade procedure know simply…. as Yoink.

Kenny: Oh my God, I totally forgot about Yoink.

Stern: I know you have a lot of questions, and to address them, I’ve asked LeBron to join me here at the podium.

(LeBron walks to the podium)

Charles: Damn, dude. Yoink?!?! This is some old school Jerry Sloan shit right here.

LeBron: Hello everyone. I know there’s a lot to talk about here, but the most important thing to remember when you’re trying to wrap your head about how a team like the New York Knicks could allow for something like Yoink to derail them is this: The Utah Jazz collected this particular draft pick from the New York Knicks in a trade executed… by Isaiah Thomas.

(Mumbled voices from the crowd): Oh…
LeBron: I know this is very unusual, but I want you all to know that I’m thrilled. Deron Williams and I came up with this little scheme during the Olympics, and to be honest, I’m totally pumped that we pulled it off. Because, you see, in addition to today’s news, I have an announcement.

Tomorrow morning, along with collecting my contract, the Jazz will sign Chris Bosh and Dwayne Wade. Next year’s starting lineup will feature the three of us, D-Will and Mehmet Okur. Boozer will be moved to Miami in exchange for a Miami Heat dancer to be named later, one of those cool wine fridge things and five free dinners at Red Lobster.

I am doing this because I want to play for a great coach, and play alongside a great point guard. This is an ideal situation for me and for my family. I want to win Championships, and this is the best way I can do that.

Also, I felt a responsibility to move my talents to the Western conference because…

(LeBron pauses, takes a deep breath and takes the microphone out from the podium stand)

…Ladies and Gentlemen, this cannot be said enough. Kobe is the Smoke Monster. The Western Conference is the Island and I…

(LeBron looks directly into the camera)

…From this day forward. I will be its protector.

Kenny: Wow.

LeBron: Thank you for your time. We’ll see you in October. Oh, and, my ring finger is sized at 12 1/2 if you guys want to just go ahead and get started with that.

(LeBron drops the microphone directly onto the podium and exits stage right)


~ by djepperson on May 18, 2010.

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